FtMs are better men!
Our female background is supposed to make us better men. I dont get it. How will fact that I know what its like to be sexually harassed (as female) make me a better man? Of course, I do have a feminist background. I still consider myself a feminist, but I doubt that it makes me a better man. Reading feminist theory has made me a better person, but im not any worse or better than any other man who has read feminist theory (and consider themselves a feminist).
I hear people (and especially women!) who love us say that “FtMs are good listeners”, “FtM has the best of both worlds”, “FtMs knows how to please a woman”. Bull crap! Personally, I find the thought of female genitalia frightening. I also dont know how to communicate with anyone and since I find listening to other people (unless they actually talk about something I find interesting) extremely boring. And best of both worlds? Ha! I dont think Im the only FtM out there who tries to forget about his female past. Honestly.
oh well.
Filed under: transgender
Of course this isn’t true for all FtMs. But I’m pretty sure that I would have been a less sympathic person (not just man) if I grew up with a male body. That because my flaws are minimized through my female experiences.
And frankly; how mwny men consider themselves to be feminist?
An example: I often talk loud, take up space and have always been kind of a besserwisser. Because I’ve been percieved as a girl, I’ve had to think about how this makes me look, if it’s necessary for me to behave like that and to stand up to the pressure to conform. I’ve seen how men take up space without thinking about it, and sometimes this makes them look really stupid and chauvinist. I know I would have been like that if I was a bio-male.
For the most part the advantages of being tought to be a woman is all about appearance and very little about substance. But I think a lot of guys would have benefitted from being tought how to be a girl.
It certainly doesn’t make me a better listener. Just because I’m silent doesn’t mean I’m listening
But sometimes that seems to be what makes a good listener.
I also think I would have been less communicative if I was bio-male. I’ve had to make an effort to communicate, much more than most men, and practice is the most important in that area.
I’m trying not to forget about my female past. I just want to make peace with it, so that I could have more peace in the future. Actually, I believe that trying to forget one’s past is quite unhealthy, but understandable.
You could also read a post on the topic by GenderOutlaw: http://genderoutlaw.wordpress.com/2008/03/18/good-article-in-the-nyt/
I agree that I don’t think a female past makes FTMs better men. I do think it makes us different kinds of men though.
You’re certainly not alone in wanting to walk away from your female past. I’d love to know the average numbers on who would like to forget and who would like to integrate–that would be interesting.
Like you, I find most people extremely boring! I prefer the company of my dog to most humans.
GenderOutlaw and Tarald: Thanks for commenting. I just realized that I wrote that post at 0130am. I was probably too tired to read through it and finish it.
Tarald, I havent really thought about what I would be like if I was born a boy. >.> I think I will write a new entry when I have more energy. Haha
GenderOutlaw: I agree that our past makes us different kinds of men. We may not have “stereotypical female traits”, but we know what its like to be seen as female. I guess its because I dont pass yet, but.. I cant see the difference between how females and males are treated. Im not sure if this is because of my lack of social skills. I hear people talking about the differences all the time and I cant see them.
I also prefer my dog over humans. And I think Im gonna start reading your blog!
Yeah, I don’t consistently pass, and I have witnessed the difference between how men and women are treated. For example, I had to take my car into the dealership for repairs that lasted several days a couple of months ago (in a town away from home, so I had to stay at a hotel.) I hung out in their waiting area and played observer. I noticed that I was treated distinctly differently than the older, white-haired gents that came in. I hope my car doesn’t need major repairs like that again, but if that’s the case, I look forward to returning to the dealership as a man and running a little social experiment to gauge gender equality!
I look forward to seeing you lurking around my blog!