My gender therapist’s words of wisdom
I thought I’d make a list of interesting things my gender therapist has told me (there will probably be part 1, 2, 3 etc. I will have to deal with her for at least another year.)
- “you know, theres a big chance you’ll end up in a bar fight when you start passing”. I wonder how that’ll happen cause 1) I would never pick a fight with anyone and 2) I dont go to bars cause I dont find drunk people interesting. How am I suppose to end up in a bar fight? WIll the bar (yes, I mean the entire building) come and knock on my door and then let random people beat me up?
- If you’re in a car with your friends, and you have to pull over because of a flat tire or something else thats car related. You know that you will be expected to go outside and fix it. Because you’re a man. Let me tell you one thing little lady. I dont know anything about cars. Expecting me to fix a car would be the same as asking a horse to throw up. Its not possible. Besides, most of my friends doesnt even have a drivers lisence.
- Do you like women or men or both? Does it even matter? I like masculine identified people.
- This is a huge step, its important that you see me for at least a year before we can start a treatment. We dont want any regrets. Questioning everything I say about being sure, making comments about real manhood. Commenting my clothes and telling me that I look “feminine” (only happened once fortunately) will only make me less sure and more insecure about myself. I know who I am and I know what I want.
- You know you wont be able to get a new legal gender before you become a Swedish citizen and do a hysterectomy? To this I replied that HRT and mastecomy is more important to me than getting an “M” in my passport. I said that I WANT an “m”, but that Im aware of the requirements. This is what she replied: Are you sure you want to go through the whole process? You know its a huge thing.
Sigh!
June 16, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Man, I wish I could just pluck you out of this therapist’s office and drop you down onto the couch of the psychologist who did my assessment! I actually *enjoyed* my time with her. She’s a gender expert and extremely easy to talk with. I didn’t get lectured, and certainly not questioned, and I really valued her feedback. This process is about growing and becoming more ourselves, and it absolutely sucks that some of us have to jump through so many hoops. Power to ya!
June 16, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Yeah, well. Good thing is that I dont find her very offensive. I think she’s stupid, but overall.. I find my sessions with her intellectually challenging. Unfortunately, she has too much power, but I’m luckier than our friend Tarald. If she refuses to give me a diagnose, then I can go to four other gender teams.
Thank you.
June 16, 2008 at 5:10 pm
My shrink is my college counselor. She’s awesome but never had to deal with any of this type of stuff.
1. Probably not, but you WILL get someone who’s just itching for a fight someday. Maybe more likely if you’re a guy but probably just as likely for anyone.
2. This is why they have cell phones and car mechanics.
3. Nope, doesnt matter.
4. Heh, lucky >.> lotsa questions here. But the first thing my shrink said was “oh, here’s lots of info on questioning if you’re gay or not.” ……….I actually didnt say that was a bit offensive until yesterday >.> cept she said that like a month ago. just really made me question if she was a good counselor or not, but i’ve gotten to know her since then.
5. I agree…HRT stuff is more important than letters on a document. even though they can instantly ‘out’ you.
June 16, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Wow, that sounds horrible. I’m so glad I didn’t have to deal with someone like htat.
About bar fights: I must admit that, as a transguy, physical violence worries me more than it ever has. I never worried about walking down the street at 4AM as a tough woman. No one ever bothered me. But men are targets of violence more than women because that’s how lots of guys try to prove themselves: by picking fights on other guys. And us transguys, if we’re out at all, certainly are called upon to “prove” are masculinity in weird ways.
*sigh*
I try not to worry about that too much.
June 16, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Oh yeh, Ive heard that as well. And being a somewhat (most people would probably say VERY) effeminate guy, I will have to look out when I pass, for real.
And, I was not trying to make fun of it or anything. I know that men are targeted more than women. Funny thing is that, Im rarely outside, unless Im with my dog. And my dog is insane. Uuuh, its late and I will probably worry more when I get my T.
June 16, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Ooops. I realised tha tI made a typo in my last comment: It should have said prove “our” masculinity.
Ya know, having an insane dog is probably very useful at times!
June 17, 2008 at 8:53 am
Hehehe, it is. She’s in the banner of this blog. ;p
June 17, 2008 at 10:42 am
Your therapist sounds like a twit.
Why are these people so dumb?
Don’t answer that, I KNOW its cos they don’t cover gender meaningfully in any medical or psychology courses, but STILL. I just feel like yelling ‘WHY?’ sometimes.
June 17, 2008 at 11:40 am
heheh.. the scary part is that my gender therapist is one of the better (on the clinic I go to). And Im glad Im not MtF, cause then “do you get turned on by womens lingerie?” would be asked every session. Its very disrespectful.
June 17, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I’m so glad I found a cool therapist who gets that I’m bi and doesn’t take issue with that at all. After a few sessions, I also disclosed that I’m genderqueer and plan to stay that way, and that I’m comfortable being in the middle, neither male nor female. He didn’t take issue with that either. And he actually has taken the time to inform himself, it seems, because he speaks “our language” (i.e. binding, packing, T, etc.)
June 17, 2008 at 2:02 pm
I think I want your gender therapist. >.>
June 29, 2008 at 5:21 am
Can you get a new therapist? Can you get an actual specialist? I am a therapist and we are not all like this. Folks like this should not be allowed near people. You can have informed and sensitive and competent AND intellectualy challenging (as you say you like this about her).
June 29, 2008 at 8:10 am
J: Hi! Well, she IS a specialist. She’s a psychiatric doctor (I dont know if that would be her title in english) and she has worked with the gender team in Stockholm for many years. Its not like I can just “get a new one”. I could complain about her and get one of the others specialists, but she’s one of the better.
To go to a different team (we have 5 teams in Sweden) I would have to move out of Stockholm. That is not something I want. I would have to start all over again. I’m nearly done with my first year, and I’ll prolly be on HRT soon. I *dont* want to start all over.