Dear parents/guardians!
Someone asked me “Is 15 too young to know if you are a trans?“
No. Definitely not. Many (but not all!) transgendered individuals have known about their identity since they were kids. Many of them as young as 3 or 4 years old. So 15 is not young. I heard about transsexualism when I was 17, and knew for certain that I was transgendered before I turned 18. Some people might even consider this a bit late, but that’s bull crap in my opinion (several of my friends didnt know before their late 30s).
Ok, so you suspect that your child/teenager might be transgendered.
What to do? First of all, what IS transgender and how do you know that its not a phase?
- Everyone has a gender identity. Gender identity is our internal sense of being male or female. For most people, our basic awareness that we are male or female matches our physical body. When we’re born, people decide if we’re male or female based on our genitals. But for children and adults who are transgender, their basic sense of being male or female – their gender identity – does not match their body. So a transgender person may have a male body, but feel inside that they are female. Or a transgender person may have a female body, but feel inside that they are truly male. Some people (but not all!) choose to take hormones or have surgeries to make their bodies match with their insides. Most people have a sense of their gender identity between ages two and four. If your child expresses a transgender identity since early childhood, it is unlikely they will change their mind as they age.
But, I thought only adults could be transgendered and.. that all transgendered people were men who wanted to be women
- Children understand gender differences from a very early age. And transgender children strongly identify with the other gender, often from age two or three. Because we don’t talk about transgender people with children, adolescents or even adults, children who are transgender lack basic information about who they are, and struggle with feeling like they were born in the wrong body. And adults typically react as if there were something wrong with these children, as well.
Transgender children who express their “real” gender identity can become extremely unhappy and depressed when adults try to prevent them being their true selves. Being transgender is not the cause of their distress. Instead, not being understood and feeling like there is something wrong with them causes them to suffer. And pressure to change their core sense of who they are causes emotional suffering, as well.
What should I do? How should I respond?
Research shows how parents and caregivers should respond to having a transgender child. The most important thing parents can do to promote their child’s well-being and to reduce their risk is to love and accept them. This means allowing them to live in ways that make them happy — just as you would with any child. For example, let your transgender child play with the toys they enjoy. Let your transgender child dress and wear their hair in the way that is most comfortable for them.
Supporting your child’s transgender behavior is not easy. But research shows that by loving and accepting your children as they are, you can help them lead happier, healthier lives – and literally save their lives.
In families where parents highly pressured their children to conform to gender expectations, young people were five times more likely to report symptoms of depression, nearly four times as likely to attempt suicide and to use illegal drugs, and twice as likely to be at high risk for HIV infection, compared with those who parents did not pressure them to conform.
More answers here
If you’re child or teenager has come out to you and told you that they are transgendered you should be PROUD.
More stuff you can read/watch:
Transgender terms and definitons
Transgender Children (Lauras Playground)
Gender Spectrum Family Conference
“My secret self” part one, two, three, four and five
All in the family: Born in the wrong body
Understanding transgender issues (Human Rights Campaign)
Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG): Transgender
Good luck!
Read other blogs about transgender, coming out, PFLAG, transsexualism, transsexuality, LGBT, parents, support, acceptance
Swedish blogs about transgender, coming out, PFLAG, transsexualism, transsexuality, LGBT, parents, support, acceptance
October 17, 2008 at 6:09 am
Det var en väldigt bra och pedagogisk beskrivning. Angående det om depression, självmord, HIV och droger så gäller det även homo/bi-sexualitet och hur föräldrarna reagerat. Även i Sverige och Norden! (Det är så många som inte tror det.) Jag tycker att det är lite läskigt hur “lätt” föräldrar akn förstöra sina barns liv.
October 17, 2008 at 10:02 am
Linn: tack! Jo, det er skremmende det der. Egentlig burde jeg kanskje skrive noe om homo/bi også, men ettersom jeg føler at trans* er det som er enklest for meg så gjorde jeg det. En kan jo skrive om poly/ra også (så nemlig at du linker til Dr Andie, så jeg antar at du kjenner til begrepene ;P)
October 19, 2008 at 7:05 am
Jag har helt glömt att tacka för gratulationen på min blogg! Tack! Och det ska bli jättekul att fira dig på Lucia!
Jag menade inte att du behövde skriva om homo/bi, det var bara en allmän kommentar.
Jo då jag har nog alltid varit poly. Jag minns att jag i högstadiet fantiserade om alla olika karaktärer med blandade kön, egenskaper, stilar och utseenden som jag skulle leva ihop med och skaffa barn med. Och jag har från att jag började ha romantiska/sexuella relationer förhållit mig väldigt relationsanarkistiskt till dem innan begreppet relationsanarki blev känt. Jag tycker Dr Andie är fantastisk som lyckats synliggöra det knäppa med pars förväntningar på varandra på ett så underhållande och pedagogiskt sätt.
October 19, 2008 at 9:02 am
Haha. Ja, det skal bli kul. Du har aldri vært hjemme hos meg, hva? Min leilighet er mini
Dr Andie er underbar.